3 Women, 2 Weeks, 1 Task: Sex Every Day

3 Women, 2 Weeks, 1 Task: Sex Every Day

Challenge: Sex with your partner EVERY day for two weeks.

We asked 60 women to take this on – not one single person came forward. That made us wonder – Why not?

Did it seem like an impossible task? Is it something people need to do and are scared to? Or was it just a bad idea for a project?

Sex and intimacy feel good and bring us closer to our partner. We are happier when it’s over. So why aren’t we all doing more of it?

Since no one stepped up for our challenge, Project Reveal’s board of directors decided to take on the challenge themselves to see what we could find out.

In the midst of our “scientific research” we reached out to a local mental health expert on the topic – Leigh Baldwin, a family and mental health nurse practitioner who is with Wellness & Counseling Services at The Women’s Hospital.

Here are her thoughts on the topic and our experiment:

If sex is the harmony to the song of our relationship, then why are we not singing?” Baldwin asked. “This is the question that surfaces all too often in my practice. The most common answer is, “My life is so busy – it’s not been made a priority.”  On further examination of this question, I often ask my patients, “Did you enjoy your sex life when you were dating?  Was it a priority then? Did you run home and put on your makeup before that special date night? Was there anticipation of the evening to come?” This is when the smile returns to their faces.  And the answer is almost always, “Yes.”

Why is sexual intimacy a priority at the beginning of many relationships? It is a priority because it makes us feel loved, close to our partners, fulfilled and it gives us a sense of belonging. If intimacy provides these great benefits to our lives and relationship, then maybe we should return to making sex a priority in our busy schedules.

I challenge you to make sex with your partner a priority as these women have in their own study and bring the harmony back into the song of your relationship.

 

During our two week journey the three of us (one board member just had a baby so she laughed at the idea of participation) learned a lot about ourselves, our partners and our relationships.

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Take a look at a few entries from all the women’s journals that were kept during this “experiment.” We’ve kept each of them anonymous.

 

Day 1:
He was excited for our challenge.

I was nervous… and excited.

I thought, “How am I going to do this every single day? What if I’m really tired one day? What if I’m not in the mood? ….What if? What if? Instead of wondering, I decided I’d take it one day at a time. And guess what, I had great sex tonight.

I was so excited about the challenge. I spent the day thinking about it and even prepped — shaved my legs and put on a low cut top and sexy panties. Our child woke up late as we were about to head to bed; I got him back to sleep. By now it was getting late.

We started talking about the challenge, why I was doing it, and what I expected. I’m very competitive, and I think he just thought I saw it as a challenge to conquer. I said it was for fun and to try something new… and just a little competitive against myself. By now it was really late and I thought… day one is a bust.

But it wasn’t too late. We enjoyed wonderful sex after reconnecting and getting on the same page.

Day 2:
At home cooking dinner together after work I turned up the heat, majorly flirting (which after being together for a while I think we tend to forget to do.) We had a very playful evening and make-out session before heading to bed. It was more fun than the first.

Day 2: (from another women’s journal)
We got everyone down for naps, and we crashed. So we took our opportunity in the evening instead.

It was an hour after kids were in bed, and of course we had a baby start crying and our son knocking at the door, but it made it all the more interesting.

We talked after tonight. It was refreshing.

Day 4:
We flirted all day. The anticipation was fun. It wasn’t a nervous flirt like, “I’m flirting, and I hope it happens”. Instead it was a flirt like, “I will see you later!”

If sex is the harmony to the song of our

Day 5:
I almost threw in the towel – it was quiet; I was already in bed. My body was exhausted from my hard work out; my mind was a wreck because so much was on it because of work. But then I remembered him telling me during the day how excited he was for tonight so I pushed through.

There were times I drifted away – stupid thoughts of work and kids snuck in my brain. But then I finally just looked at him, the man I love so dearly and simply concentrated on that.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up.

Day 7:
Tonight was fun; we were playful. I felt connected to him.

I found myself thinking of him all day “in that way.” My husband is crazy hot, and I am attracted to him. I found myself wanting sex and intimacy more than I have in a long time.

Day 9:
We had sex in a public place tonight! It was fun. That is not a norm for us. We talked about it during the day, and when it was time we got a little nervous. We need some adventure in our life so I’m glad we did it.

Day 9:
It felt like we were dating again — fun sex and so much love and passion today!

Day 11:
I got a text from my hubby around noon asking me if I was ready for tonight! He seems to be enjoying the challenge so far. It was another frisky night. Fun sex.

Day 13:
Late and tired but most awesome sex so far! Love that husband of mine!!

Day 14:
I came home from work with a headache, had to do some work from home and a few other chores. I was thinking tonight was a wash; I was tired and did not feel a 100 percent. I was making all the excuses in my head and just wanted to go to bed. But I decided to rally and make the first move. I think I caught him off guard, but he doesn’t ever turn me down. It was short but sweet, and it even cured my headache.

 

They weren’t all successes.

Day 4:
FAIL he went out with friends and didn’t get home until late.

Day 5:
I was exhausted, kind of grumpy. It was not happening. End of story.

 

But even when we didn’t “succeed” we did succeed.

Day 6:
So worn out from a long day; we both fell asleep holding each other. No sex.

Day 8:
I think our challenge has worn us out. No sex tonight, just kissing and chatting together with no other distractions just one-on-one time with each other. Honestly, sometimes that is just as good as sex.

 

I think the biggest thing we took away was that it wasn’t really about the sex at all (well a few times it was) but instead it was about the intimacy.

So here’s our challenge to you – create your own challenge with your partner. Maybe it’s just like ours – 14 days of sex. Maybe it’s 30 days of compliments. Or how about 21 days of touch? But do something; be intentional. Connect with your partner during one of these challenges. Don’t let it stop there though. We certainly aren’t. Our 14 days are up but the intimacy and connection we gained has just begun.

I did not want to do this challenge. I thought, “How am I going to be able to have sex every day for 14 days?” My mind ran through all the reason I couldn’t do it. I understand the benefit of being intimate with my husband. To be honest though, I don’t always make it a priority. I was ready to change that by doing this challenge. We had a lot of fun. We flirted more often and found ourselves really enjoying the intimacy because we made it a priority and not a chore (for me). By making it a priority, we found ourselves talking more about what we like, what we don’t like, what we are happy with and what we want to change. We have four kids; let’s be real, meaningful sex can get put on the back burner pretty quickly. We are tired and thinking about all the tasks that need to be completed. Sometimes I would get into a rut of “just doing it.” That’s no fun! I wanted to get back to the fun we were having when we couldn’t take our hands off each other because that is how I still feel about him. I was more attentive to him and generally more excited to be around him. We were able to use this experiment as an opportunity to grow our relationship. Overall, it was a huge success!
I was so excited for the challenge. It was something different to try and sounded fun. I had a feeling my hubby would like it too. It started rough because my husband thought I was just doing it to be competitive. But that got us talking and communicating better than we had in a long time. I feel that the greatest thing gained from this challenge was better communication in our relationship. There were days we weren’t successful in the challenge, and that was OK. That shows you that even when you’re really trying to make intimacy a priority, life can still get in the way. My hubby and I are ready to start another challenge of our own to make sex and intimacy a priority. Doing this challenge improved our communication and relationship. Our focus is so often on our son that our relationship takes a back burner. This made our marriage stronger which in turn makes us better parents. So many benefits came from fun sex! Who would have known?
While I realize when I say newlywed, most people will think, “Well this challenge is not really that hard for you guys.” We don’t have kids, we have time to do what we want, and we are still living on a cloud of blissfulness not yet jaded about marriage, other distractions and obligations that come from being married for years. However, we have our own share of challenges and distractions. I will be the first to admit that there is that type of fun and excitement following the year we have had as well as getting back from our honeymoon. We have long, tiring days and sometimes forget to really be present with each other and really paying attention to each other without all those things. This two week experiment was a reminder of how close we can be when we are attentive to each other, not just physically but emotionally as well. It made me stop each day and show him how much I love him and appreciate him and love spending time with him. In return, I could tell that made him smile and feel good. Sometimes we have to just remind ourselves that no matter what else is happening — stressful job, kids driving you nuts, things just not going your way — we have to give time and love and be there for the one person that is there for us all the time, by our side going through the same thing. That is how you keep the honeymoon alive, whether it is weeks, months or years later. Don’t be afraid to re-live that time in the now, whether you are in an exotic place or your little everyday home.