I had to go to the bottom of my life to understand that I had a God-sized hole.

I had a hole in my heart and was trying to fill it with EVERYTHING but God. As a young girl, I filled it with running and food obsession. In my late teens and early twenties, I filled it with men, alcohol and the lights and sounds of the clubs. In my late twenties, I spent most of my time trying to fill that hole with the things other people had. I knew what you had would be just the thing to make me feel better, make me happier, make me whole. I wanted your car, your job, your clothes … You get the idea. Let me tell you a little story about what this looked like in my life. I had a friend that got engaged and her diamond ring was big. I also wanted to get engaged so badly and with a big diamond. It was all I could think about. I literally couldn’t stand it and therefor couldn’t stand her. My jealously and envy were out of control. But I only wanted that big diamond because I thought it would make me feel important, confident and attractive. I became so cold and distant from her that I couldn’t see straight. And I couldn’t see that this resentment was only hurting me. Someone told me once that resentments are like ME drinking poison and waiting for YOU to die. I could relate to that; that’s exactly where I was. During this time I didn’t like women; I didn’t feel comfortable around them. I was jealous and felt inferior to most of them. I know now that was my own insecurities roaring through me. I took everything...

The Voice Inside My Head

  One day, you are on fire. Nothing, absolutely nothing will stand in your way. Your head is singing, “This girl is on fiiiirrrrree.” And yet the next day you tell your self that you’re not that great. Saying, ‘that is a terrible idea’, ‘people will think that’s stupid’, ‘this will never work’, ‘who am I kidding’. At the heart of every good idea is passion. If you have passion behind what you want to do …..TRY IT!...

Who Am I? Being Real…

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit.  This got me thinking about the word REAL. My journey to being real is a tough one and this excerpt validates that IT IS a journey and takes time. I spent most of my life people pleasing, morphing into the person I thought people wanted me to be. I pretended to like certain things to please others or to give me a sense of belonging. ” I totally LOVE watching NFL every night” —  Hated it! “I love dark beer “– Hated it, it taste like dirty socks! “I love being in a sorority”– It was not my thing but I did it anyway. “I really enjoy reading intense fiction novels”- GROSS- give me a chick book. (who wants to look up words every 6 pages) Here is what it boils down to. I didn’t have the self-esteem to be the real Stacey. When I was 26, I was in a low point in my life. As a result had a spiritual awakening. That spiritual experience allowed me to see many things for what they...

Vulnerability….be imperfect.

In order for us to help each other through our experience, strength, and hope; we have to be open and honest about  our lives. Owning our story is important. Some of us haven’t said it out loud or put it on paper because it becomes too real. When I share the exact nature of my story with another…I set it free. Why don’t we do it? Because maybe it’s painful or we don’t want someone to judge us.  When we finally allow ourselves to be vulnerable we can be imperfect. We can let go of who we want to appear to be and just be who we really are. That is so hard for me because at times I want to appear that I am invincible, know everything, and have all my ducks in a row. However, when I share that I am struggling, I can allow others to help me which in turn helps them. Vulnerability and honestly are contagious. Have you ever noticed when one person in a group is honest and open; it sets the tone for others to share with abandon. There are no guarantees when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable but it’s a risk I am willing to take. Stacey G I asked a few women what vulnerability looked like in their life. This is what they said: The courage in being myself, sharing both the good and the painful parts of me comes from my belief that God teaches me in all things. So many times I learn from others. I share from my heart in the hope God will allow someone else to...

Fitted clothes….they turn on you

When I found out I was pregnant I was so thrilled to show off my belly. It didn’t matter how little it was- I wanted to wear fitted clothes, stick out my belly and show it off. I was so proud. Oh how things change. The second that baby comes out- I’m like- camouflage that belly…and FAST! Just yesterday I was sticking it out…and today i’m hiding it. It then dawns on- this is so funny! So- I’m 8 weeks postpartum and every morning I’m faced with my stupid closet with my stupid cute fitted clothes and wishing I would have some more comfy clothes. Even my long sleeve t-shirts are fitted. Who does that! It’s all about perspective I guess. I’m 8 weeks postpartum and I’m going to work on loving my body even though it’s SO hard sometimes. I know that I just had triplets. I know that I am being unreasonable with my expectations of my body. BUT, there is a lot of fear. I think:  will my body every be the same? Will I ever be able to accept this new body? I gotta go….i’m going to get dressed for the day…in my newly purchased clothes that don’t touch my skin. Photo by Molly Bartles. 26 weeks pregnant with...