I didn’t decide that this was the way it was going to be, it just worked out this way. My husband, let’s call him James (OK, that’s his real name), and I have a very loving and committed relationship.
I will share what it is like for me; take what you want and leave the rest.
My life structure – God, marriage, children.
I don’t know if our “life structure” is the way it is because we have been to the bottom and made it out stronger or because we are lucky to have found each other and are crazy in love. Or maybe it is simply because of our personalities. No matter the reason, this is the way it is.
I have to have God above all else.
Here is why: My relationship with my higher power keeps me spiritually fit. If I am not fit, then I can’t be a good partner in my marriage. This relationship with God helps me work on my character defects that can be at times glaring in my marriage. Resentments and communication are the biggest offenders if I don’t continue to work on my spiritual fitness. Most of all, God being first keeps me out of the driver’s seat of my life. It’s best that I sit in the passenger seat and let my higher power drive. I mean, have you seen me drive? It isn’t pretty!
Let me just start by saying that I am one lucky woman. My husband is crazy hot, supports me in every way, does the dishes and loves me to pieces. Oh, and everyday he tells me I’m hot. I know, I know, “gag me!”
I have to keep James as a priority above my children. This isn’t something I work at; I just do it. Here is why: On a basic level, if James and I are not fit, then our family as a whole cannot be fit. God is the direct foundation for me and my marriage, my marriage is the direct foundation of my family. When James and I are happy and loving, then our family as a whole is happy and loving. It has been proven to me many times. If James and I are in a struggle, I see it in the behavior in our son.
My parents have the same life structure. They came first. I didn’t understand it until I was an adult. They were, and still are, madly in love with each other (unless they have spent a lot of time in the car together). They love us and are amazing parents, but they didn’t make their lives all about us. Both my parents had interests outside our family and continued to maintain a balance of time to themselves, time for them as a couple and family time. I am grateful for the example they showed.
We now have a four- year-old son and one-year-old boy, boy, girl triplets. Life with kids is hard. Sometimes it’s “bang your head against the wall” hard, but we wouldn’t change a thing. We LOVE our kids, sometimes so much that all I can do is kiss and squeeze them SO tight.
Being a mom is amazing; I get to mold these little people, teach them, love them and share memories with them. I take the gift and responsibility of being a mom very seriously, but I need more than that. I love to work as well as be involved in activities and service that interest me. I do not want to be focused on just my kids and lose myself and who I am. I don’t want to look around one day when they have left for college and wonder, “Who am I? Who am I without my children?”
I hope to be like my parents, and when all the kids have left, still have my interests and a wonderful relationship with my husband.
All I know is this – in general when I keep God at the top of my priorities, my marriage next and then my children, then I feel the most spiritually and emotionally fit.